Begin with Kindness

When you desire to counsel or advise someone, it is befitting that you are personable with them by using kind statements and nice speech that will allow your speech to enter and open their heart to your speech. Notice that while Luqman was advising his son, he used beautiful speech, an effective method, and words that would enter his heart. Look at the words he used with his son while advising him. You will find that the phrase “Oh my dear son” is repeated throughout the advice because this phrase has an enormous impression on the son; it affects his soul and it aids him in being attentive [so that he may] completely benefit.

Speech will have the greatest impact if it is accompanied by affability. As for the speech that is devoid of affability – for example: if a person said, while counseling or warning, “oh boy!” or, as it has been mentioned about some of them when they speak to their son or prohibit him from something, they call him by the names of some animals. So how will the heart of the one being advised be opened with the likes of this type of speech that insults them? No doubt this will close and alienate the mind. Therefore, there is a far cry between using this method and warning by implementing kindness as Luqman did in his statement to his son: “Oh my dear son” – [stated] with compassion and fatherliness, and sympathy and mercy so the heart would open.

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A Father’s Advice to His Son

Ibn al-Jawzī authored the following as an advice to his son, Abu’l-Qasim Badr al-Dīn ‘Alī al-Nasikh.1 

You should know, my son, may Allāh guide you to what is right, that man has been distinguished by intellect only so that he would act according to it. Bring it to the fore, use it in contemplation and spend time alone with yourself. You will conclude that you are a created being who has responsibilities and obligations and that the two angels are counting your every word and glance. Every breath is a step closer to death. The time we spend in this world is short, the time we are held in our graves is long, and the punishment for following our base desires is calamitous.

Where is the delight of yesterday? It has departed leaving only regret in its wake. Where is the soul’s desire? How many has it brought low, how many has it caused to slip and falter? People have only attained happiness by going against their lusts and desires. People have only become wretched by giving preference to the life of this world. Learn from the lives of kings and ascetics: where is the delights of the kings and where is the weariness of the ascetics? The only thing left is the abundant reward and beautiful mention for the pious, and the malicious words and calamitous punishment for the disobedient. It is as if those who starved never starved and those who ate to their fill never did so. Laziness in virtuous deeds is an evil companion indeed, and love of comfort causes regret greater than any enjoyment. So take heed and tire yourself for your self.

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Beware of the Bad Companion

Just as hereditary disposition is hidden (1), “bad characteristics are [also] hidden;” (2) because character is transferable, and [first] impressions are major abductors of hearts, and people are like the flocks of birds, naturally disposed to imitating one another; so beware of associating with whosoever is to this liking; for it is indeed destruction, and “prevention is better than cure.”

Therefore, choose the best for companionship and friendship; someone who will help you in your quest, in drawing nearer to your Lord, and agrees with you in your noble objective and intention. Take [from me] the most precise gauge in categorizing friends: (3)

1. A friend who befriends you [solely] for his welfare.
2. A friend who befriends you [solely] for fun.
3. A friend who befriends you for virtue.

As regards the first two [categories of friends], then their [relationship] with you is cut off when the necessitating reason [for which they befriended you] is fulfilled: the attainment of welfare in the first and fun in the second.

As for the third category, then this is the one we will concentrate on. He is the one who is driven into a friendship due to mutual benefit in the firm establishment of virtue in both people.

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Advising One Another

From the morals and manners of the Salaf was that they would advise one another sincerely. Remarkably the elder person would not be offended if advised by the young one. The young people would know how to advise the elders with good manners, humbly and respectfully while the elders would accept such advice in the best way and with thanks.

This is the opposite to the situation we see from the light-headed people we have today. The Messenger of Allah (may Allah honour him and grant him blessed peace) said, “The Religion (deen) is advice/sincerity (naseeha).” They asked, “To whom O Messenger of Allah?” He (may Allah honour him and grant him blessed peace) said, “To Allah, to His Book, to His Messenger, to the leaders of the Muslims and their public.” 1

They used to accept advice and thank the adviser. One of them would not think that he had repaid his adviser fully even if he was benevolent to him all his life. That is because the matters related to the Afterlife cannot be compared to the vain and temporary things of this world.

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Clean Your House!

“Today, everyone is an ‘aalim and they’re always saying nahnu (we).

They clean the house of the neighbours, and they keep the rubbish in their house.

Clean your house before you look to your neighbours!”

Shaykh Muhammad al-Maalikee

 

Points to Ponder:

1. The acquisition of ‘ilm (and this is only by the blessings of Allaah upon us) should humble us, not give us delusions of grandeur.

2. We are living in a strange time when people have an answer to every question they are given, when they make haste to answer it, when they speak from a position they have not been granted and when the gem of a phrase Allaahu a’lam (Allaah knows best) has become so foreign to the tongues.

3. How does one who is so busy with the mistakes of fulaan (so and so) open his eyes to his own mistakes? Rather he is so busy assessing the state of others, that he becomes blind to his own faults. Allaah will not ask you concerning the deeds of fulaan on the Day of  Judgement, rather He will ask you of your own deeds, so what of them?

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Be Children of the Hereafter

How easy it is to get caught up in this dunya, to become ensnared by its glitter, to become lured by its temptations, to become captivated by its fleeting enjoyments. A guise covers our eyes, such that we become immersed in this life and seemingly forget the Hereafter. And indeed, insaan (man) forgets of the eternal life that awaits, and the impending judgment that looms large. And insaan forgets death, even while the fact that others are dying while they themselves remain should serve as the ultimate reminder. And insaan forgets of the torment and torture of Hellfire and the eternal bliss and happiness of Paradise as so vividly described in the Qur’aan.

We forget – for if we were cognizant of these realities, aware of them with yaqeen (certainty) and a firm resolution, would we be in such a state of ghaflah (heedlessness) by which our hearts are attached to this world and forgetful of the Hereafter? Indeed it would not be so.

So awaken, oh sleepy ones, awaken from your heedlessness. The akhirah awaits us, death is coming, our graves are ready and our judgment is impending. Our destinations are unknown, so we must strive ever more so towards a good end and race towards the Pleasure of Allaah.

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Remembering the Destroyer of Desires

An-Nadhr ibn Ismaa’eel said, “I heard Aboo Dharr 1 saying in one of his speeches, “Concerning Death –then it has been announced to you such that you are looking at it every day and night.

It appears to the one it takes away –who was dear to his people, noble amongst his clan, obeyed and followed among his folk — taking him to a dry arid pit, and to a place of massive hard rocks of stone. The people there have no cushions – except cushions that are mixed and stuffed with poisonous reptiles and vermin – for their cushions on that Day will be [as a result] of their [evil] deeds.

And it appears to those who are filled with concern and are like strangers, those whose concern is just this worldly life, who have striven long for it and their bodies have toiled hard for it. But then death overcomes them before they can attain their goal, for it has taken them by surprise.

And so Death appears to the young boy who is still being suckled, the sick man who is afflicted with pain, and the one who is a hostage of evil, being hell-bent on doing such deeds. Death has been allocated to all these people, and so they are all overtaken by it.

Have not the slaves taken heed of what the admonishers have said?!

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The Greatest of Losses

“Know that the greatest of losses is for you to be preoccupied with one who will bring you nothing but a loss in your time with Allah – the Mighty and Majestic – and being cut off from Him; wasting your time with the person, a weakening of your energy, and the dispersing of your resolve. So, if you are tested with this – and you must be tested with this – deal with him according to how Allah would wish, and be patient with him as much as possible. Get closer to Allah and His Pleasure by way of this person, and make your getting together with him something to benefit from, not something to incur a loss from. Be with him as if you are a man who is on a road who was stopped by another man, who then asks you to take him on your journey. Make sure that you are the one who gives him a ride, and that he is not the one giving you the ride. If he refuses, and there is nothing to gain from travelling with him, do not stop for him, bid him farewell, and do not even turn back to look at him, as he is a highway robber, regardless of who he really is.

So, save your heart, be wary of how you spend your days and nights, and do not let the Sun set before you arrive at your destination.”

Ibn al-Qayyim; ‘al-Wabil as-Sayyib‘

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Begin with Yourself

A man went to Ibn ‘Abbas radiAllaahu ‘anhu and said, “O Ibn ‘Abbas, I want to enjoin people to do good and forbid them from doing evil.” Ibn ‘Abbas said, “And have you reached that level?” He said, “I hope that that is so.” He said, “If you do not fear to be exposed by three verses of Allah’s Book, then do so.” The man asked, “And what are they?” He mentioned this verse:

Enjoin you Al-Birr (piety and righteousness and each and every act of obedience to Allâh) on the people and you forget (to practise it) yourselves.” (Baqarah 2:44)

And then asked, “Have you applied the implications of this verse?” He said, “No.” Ibn ‘Abbas then mentioned the second verse:

O you who believe! Why do you say that which you do not do? Most hateful it is with Allâh that you say that which you do not do. (As-Saff 61:2-3)

After that he asked, “Have you applied the implications of this verse?” He said, “No.” He then mentioned the third verse regarding Shu’aib alayhi salaam:

“I wish not, in contradiction to you, to do that which I forbid you.” (Hud 11:88)

And then he asked, “Have you applied the implications of this verse? He said, “No.” Ibn ‘Abbas said, “Then begin with yourself.”

• Transcribed from: Gems and Jewels | Compiled by: Abdul-Malik Mujahid | DarusSalam

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For the Students of Knowledge

The following are quotes by Shaikh Hammaad concerning the students of knowledge as well as advice for them:

• Knowledge without effort/endeavour does not come.

• It is binding upon the student of knowledge that he studies upon the people of specification in every field.

• It is obligatory upon the student of knowledge that he knows the biographies of the Salaf, as well as follows them, for this time of ours has been put to trial due to the lack of studying the biographies of the Salaf.

• Indeed the people today seek knowledge to acquire earnings; yet those that seek knowledge in truth are such few.

• The student of knowledge that does not carry a pen with him at all times does not benefit.

• I have noticed that most of the students of knowledge today do not seek consultation. (Meaning; they do not consult the Scholars in that which benefits them)

• Indeed the people of knowledge do not waste their time in that which does not benefit.

• How vast is that which has been written (authored), yet how little is that which has been read?

• Learn O youth before you become aged; for indeed at that time you will not be able to learn.

• He would advise the students of knowledge much with his saying:

I advise you with fearing Allaah The Most High in secret and in open, and aspiring upon knowledge, for indeed knowledge is a means of nobility for its companion, The Lord The Might and Majestic said:

Indeed those that truly fear Allaah from His servants are the Scholars. (Soorah Al-Faatir: 28)

• Shaykh Hammaad al-Ansaaree Majmoo’ fee tarjumah Hamaad Al-Ansaaree | Volume 2 | Translated by Aboo Haatim Muhammad Farooq | Retrieved from: fatwaislam.com

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